Stop Answering the Wrong Question: Unlock Your True Work Happiness

Let’s start with a simple question: What kind of work do you like doing?

Go ahead, answer it in your head. I’ll wait.

…

Did you just describe what you like working on? Or who you like working with? Or maybe you veered into what you like accomplishing or who you like working for? If so, you’re not alone. Nine out of 10 leaders, when asked this question, end up answering a completely different one.

Here’s the thing: the dictionary definition of “work” is straightforward:

be engaged in physical or mental activity in order to achieve a result; do work.

But when it comes to understanding what kind of work energizes us (or drains us), we tend to get tangled in the weeds of tasks, people, outcomes, and environments.

One of my favorite ways to start a coaching session with a new leader (or an interview) is to ask, “What kind of work do you enjoy?”. Invariably, folks launch into a passionate monologue about the projects they love, the people they collaborate with, or the impact they hope to make. Folks talk about what they work on, not the actual work itself. It’s like describing a delicious meal by listing the restaurant’s interior design.

This confusion leads to a fundamental problem: how can you find fulfilling work if you don’t even know what “work” truly fulfills you? You might be chasing a title, a project, or a company, when what you really crave is a specific type of work.

I’ve seen this play out countless times with my mentees. They’re stuck, frustrated, and unsure why their current job (or career path) feels so…meh. They’re answering the wrong question, and therefore, getting the wrong answers.

So, how do we fix this? How do we cut through the noise and finally understand what work truly sparks joy? It’s time for a little self-reflection, armed with a pen and paper (or your favorite digital note-taking tool).

The Joy vs. Drain Matrix: Unearthing Your Joy (and Avoiding the Drains)

This simple tool is designed to help you answer the question actually being asked: What work do you like doing? And, just as importantly, What work drains you (even if you’re good at it)? This is about getting down to the nitty-gritty of what you actually do. Forget the fancy titles and impressive projects for a moment. We’re going deep.

Grab a piece of paper and create a three-column table. The columns are:

The Work: Be specific! Think about the actual activities involved. Instead of “managing projects,” think “facilitating meetings,” “creating spreadsheets,” “writing reports,” “negotiating contracts,” etc. The more granular you are, the better.
Joy?: Does this type of work bring you joy? A simple “Yes” or “No” will do.
Drain?: Does this type of work drain your energy, even if you’re good at it? Again, “Yes” or “No.”

Start listing examples of work you’ve done. Be specific. Don’t just write “meetings”. Instead, think about:

Facilitating a brainstorming session
Debugging a complex piece of code
Writing a project proposal
Coaching a junior team member
Analyzing financial data

For each example, ask yourself:

Did this work give me joy?
Did this work drain me?

And here’s the kicker: Make sure you cover work across all four CBTO perspectives (Customer, Business, Technology, Organization). If you’re not familiar with CBTO, check out my post on it here.

For example, under “Customer,” you might list “conducting user interviews” (joy: yes, drain: no) and “resolving customer complaints” (joy: no, drain: yes). Under “Technology,” you might list “writing code” (joy: yes, drain: sometimes) and “troubleshooting hardware issues” (joy: no, drain: definitely yes).

The Aha! Moment (and What to Do With It)

Once you’ve filled out your table, you’ll likely have some “aha!” moments. You might realize you love the process of problem-solving, regardless of the context. Or maybe you discover that you’re energized by collaborative work but drained by solo tasks.

This isn’t just about identifying what you’re good at—it’s about identifying what energizes you. Because here’s the truth: you can be really good at something and still find it soul-sucking.

Why This Works

The Joy vs. Drain Matrix forces you to get specific. It cuts through the vague, feel-good answers and helps you pinpoint exactly what kind of work lights you up—and what kind of work leaves you running on empty.

It’s also a great tool for:

Make better career decisions: Instead of chasing a specific job title, you can focus on roles that involve the types of work you enjoy.
Improve your current job: Identify tasks that drain you and look for ways to delegate them or minimize their impact. Focus on incorporating more of the work that brings you joy.
Communicate your needs: When talking to your manager or potential employers, you can articulate your work preferences clearly and confidently.

This exercise isn’t a magic bullet, but it’s a powerful tool for gaining clarity about what truly motivates you in your work. It’s time to stop answering the wrong question and start focusing on the work that makes you thrive.

What’s on your Joy vs. Drain Matrix? Let me know in the comments—or better yet, share your own insights and surprises!

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